They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
