You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
