she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
