I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
