Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
