the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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