1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
