Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
