Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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