I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
