WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
