did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
