I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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