Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
