You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
