wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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