just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
