Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
