he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
