Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
