Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
