Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
