Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
