im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
