I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They have beer where we have blood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
