This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
