It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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