He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
