Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
please come you make the beer taste better
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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