we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
