I feel like abortions should bother me more
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
