nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have fence marks all over my body
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
