Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
