Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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