I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
