Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
