He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
