dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
