I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
