"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
