I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
