Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
