There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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