I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
