Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
