The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
