did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
