I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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