U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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