well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
