I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She announced her abortion via fbk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
