We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My penis needs a shock collar
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
