No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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