I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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