Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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