if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
