you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
