We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
