If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
