i don't like sucking hair
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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