it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
